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An Open Letter To Stan Collywally #Collymore #epicrants #casualsunited

This was shared with us… it is a letter written to Stan Collymore from someone who actually knows what he is talking about:



An open letter to Stan. Sorry it goes on a bit:

Hey Stan
I dare say you’re probably receiving a lot of mail now, a bit like Santa Claus at Christmas. However, all those letters that Santa receives are usually signed off by adoring kids with lots of terms of endearment. Probably not the same for you eh Stan? And as Santa around the world is called all sorts of names by all different peoples I reckon you might have something in common here eh Stan?

Maybe you’re having us all on a ‘double-back-bite’. That’s a military term I’d be happy to explain to you over a pint but if I’m having a pint it’s usually with a couple of ex-military oppos, probably not your scene eh Stan? I’d even get the first round in. I digress. Maybe we’ve all played into your hands (is that a football term?) with the responses and ramped up that publicity, after all no such thing as bad publicity, or so I thought til I heard a bloke on your radio show. But more about that later.

Now I know all you’ve done is exercise your democratic right to FREEdom of speech. I say FREEdom deliberately, it’s not a typing error. Y’see Stan I say that, because FREEdom ain’t FREE. It has to be bought. FREEdom has to be paid for. It has to be paid for with the blood, exertions and sacrifices of better men and women than you. Boys too. 17 year olds. Not just the ones in 1982 but for many generations before you (and me). Even though all those who went before us are no longer here to defend themselves, with their final breaths they deferred to you the right to choose:- whether to respect their memories and their sacrifices or – well, let’s just say ‘or otherwise’. They willingly gave you the right to honour them or insult them and their memory. I see you didn’t waste that opportunity or choose indifferent respectful silence. Nobody expects you to go around selling poppies and collecting for the Royal British Legion or stand at the Cenotaph on a freezing November morning (leave that to the 90 year olds in wheelchairs) just a polite silence would have been OK.

Unlike much of the mail (I speculate here) you’ve received I hadn’t heard of you until 25th May. I’ve only ever been interested in rugby (nasty game that Stan) and as I’ve lived in Australia for 20 years and worked in some fairly obscure places around the world for the last 10, I don’t know anything about football. And honestly Stan, I didn’t even know what ‘dogging’ was, seriously. I had to google it. I wished they’d call it something else, it reminds me of my dog at home. I miss him a lot. Archie, he’s a Labrador (The Unscrupulous Mr Archie is his full name) and he typifies Labradors. Honest, loyal, faithful, respectful. I’ll send you a dictionary to look those up. With a photo of Archie.

But getting back to you Stan. It is all about you isn’t it? The tweet, or tweets, what is the collective noun for tweets, is it a twat? A ‘twat’ of tweets – whaddya reckon? So when I heard about this I had to look you up. Hey look mate we’ve all done stupid stuff when we were young. Read my book, I’ve come clean and put all my dirty washing (unashamedly) out there. But given some of your history, I would have been keeping it a bit lower. I went to the pub last night (I live in Kazakhstan now) and instead of asking for a pint of Stella by it’s colloquial name (wife beater), one of the blokes asked for ‘a pint of Stan’. Mate I have to admit it, I laughed. Shame on me. Although that name isn’t funny it is only meant as a joke. It was never meant to be serious Stan. Didn’t anyone tell you it was just a joke? Admittedly a very poor taste joke. It actually doesn’t give you the right to go around clubbing birds. Which brings to the radio caller “he hit ball that like you hit Ulrika.” Please apologise to Ulrika for me but I laughed. A lot. Not at her, I liked her. Mainly at your silence. Lost for words eh Stan? I was picturing your face.

Did you pick the 25th May deliberately? The day the families of 31 men killed fighting for the Falkland Islanders grieve and remember their lost loved ones? Hit the right nerve there eh Stan? Not to denigrate the memory of the other 30 who were lost but that day the oldest man killed in the conflict laid down his life. Literally. Capt Ian North DSC (Post’) MN was the Master of the mv Atlantic Conveyor when she was hit by two Exocet missiles. They are nasty pieces of work (any similarities here Stan?) and I can testify first hand having been on the receiving end of one. Not recommended. This is Captain North’s medal citation: “On 25 April she (mv Atlantic Conveyor) was deployed to the South Atlantic, converted to operate fixed and rotary wing aircraft and loaded with stores and equipment for the Falklands Task Force. This astonishing feat was largely due to Captain North’s innovation, leadership and inexhaustable energy. SS Atlantic Conveyor joined the Carrier Battle Group on 19th May 1982 and was immediately treated as a warship in most respects. Almost comparable in manoeuvrability, flexibility and response, Captain North and the ship came through with flying colours. When the ship was hit on 25th May, Captain North was a tower of strength during the difficult period of damage assessment leading up to the decision to abandon ship. He left the ship last with enormous dignity and calm and his subsequent death was a blow to all. A brilliant seaman, brave in war, immensely revered and loved, his contribution to the campaign was enormous and epitomised the great spirit of the Merchant Service.”

“Dignity, calm, brilliant, brave in war, revered, loved, epitomised great spirit.” Anything in common here Stan? Maybe get back to me on that one eh? Maybe later. Much later.

I won’t keep you any longer you’ve probably got a lot of mail to read but I will take the liberty of leaving you with a couple of bits of advice:
1. Learn how to spell; read up on your history; be a bit more cognisant of the freedom and liberty that you live in and respect the rights of others to enjoy the same.
2. Better to remain silent and have everyone just think you are illiterate, ignorant and disrespectful than tweet something and have it confirmed for the world.

Yours Aye
Junior Seaman 1982

Mr Collymore needs to read this! No Surrender to narrow-minded idiots. KTF xxx

Katy xxx


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  1. Pingback: Letter to Stan | muslamicrayguns - May 29, 2014

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